A lot of good habits can suffer during stressful times. Some people overeat, workout routines fall off the map, sleep is often affected. Sex is another piece of the relationship puzzle that gets put on the back burner when stress hits the fan. Here are a few tips for how to avoid the sexless marriage trap and keep that lovin’ feeling alive even when stress, including holiday stress takes a hold on your life and relationship…
1. Sleep Naked. Forego the holiday themed, fuzzy footy Pj’s and go to bed in your birthday suit. Couples who sleep naked have more sex. Sleeping naked removes one small barrier to getting busy. In addition, physical touch and close contact increase oxytocin, the love hormone. Climbing into the sheets naked will encourage you to get closer to warm up on cold winter nights. Who knows you might get lucky!
3. Keep your bedroom a sanctuary. When it comes to your bedroom, don’t dismiss the power of setting the mood. Too often the clutter of stressful times builds up in your bedroom. Laundry piling up, work to do, stacks of bills, papers or books waiting to be read, shopping bags full of gifts to be wrapped all contribute to the mental clutter aka intimacy killer. Take some time to de-clutter your bedroom, take the tv out (or at least cover it up or put in in a cabinet) Letting the world in via television and devices can squeeze out special moments to connect with your spouse. Take the stacks of paper out, go through them if you can, if you can’t just put them somewhere else! The last and probably most difficult task in the bedroom is to GET RID OF THE SMARTPHONE!! A recent article cited the statistic that “70 percent of women in a recent survey said smartphones were interfering in their romantic relationship.” Now certainly you don’t need to get rid of it all together, just leave it out of the bedroom!
3. Skip exchanging gift, exchange affection instead. There is so much emphasis this time of year around what to get your spouse for Christmas or Hanukka. Myriad guides offer all kinds of suggestions for the perfect gift for your spouse, the gadget every husband wants, the newest shiniest object of desire for your wife. How about instead of offering a gift to your partner, BE the gift to your partner. After all, who doesn’t want to have more sex for the holidays?
4. Laughter is the best medicine. Find a way to laugh together. Watch a funny movie or see a comedy show. Tell jokes. Think about the funniest people you know and have them over for dinner. Sometimes it really is the simple things in life that make all the difference! Laughter reduces stress hormones and provides a physical release. When you embrace that release you will be more open to connecting physically with your spouse.
5. Put it on your to-do list. Swimming in to-do lists is an unfortunate consequence of stressful times. Holiday to-do lists can challenge the most type-A organized folks you know! So as the adage goes, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” Just do it, put it on your list. Have more sex. There, now you can just tackle your list and know that by the end of the day you will have had a good roll in the hay!