Who is the ultimate example of how to stay in love and cultivate a healthy marriage for a lifetime? Those who have actually done it! Karam and Katari Chand just celebrated their 87th wedding anniversary, making them Britain’s oldest married couple. The two have been through a lot together and still claim they are deeply in love. They shared their insights on how to stay in love with an interviewer from British dating website Zoosk. Here are a few gems of wisdom from the couple: Continue reading ‘How to stay in love: secrets from Britain’s longest married couples’
Archive for the 'Marriage in the News' Category
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Communication problems in relationships are no new thing. Every couple has difficulty discussing highly emotional topics. And every one of us has bad communication habits such as using “you” statements or “but”, defensiveness, arguing, and nagging. At the same time, according to a new study from the University of Missouri, your spouse’s difficulty talking about his or others feelings could be a clinical condition.
Alexithymia is a newly recognized personality trait that refers to an inability to describe, understand and communicate emotions. Individuals with the condition also have difficulty associating their feelings with the physical signs of emotional arousal, i.e. sweaty palms for excitement or heat flush for anger. Continue reading ‘Communication problems in relationships may signal this disorder’
Abstinence and pro-marriage education claims that loose sexual relationship early in life will negatively impact later relationships. Aside from the moral or religious issue of early sex, is this true? And if it is, then why? Whether inside or outside marriage, previous studies have shown those who have sex at younger ages tend to have more extra-marital pregnancies, as well as earlier marriages with more divorces. Psychologist Dr. Paige Harden of the University of Texas at Austin used data from the Child and Adolescent Longitudinal Study to compare age of first sex with how their romantic relationships worked out later in life. Continue reading ‘Does abstinence or delayed first sex benefit relationships?’
For thousands of years marriage has implied monogamy. In fact, marriage developed because monogamy was crucial to confirm paternity and establish lineage rights. In all but a few polygamous or polyandrous societies, non monogamy is not tolerated and often punished harshly. But how does the idea of sexual faithfulness to one person play into modern and/or non-traditional and non-religious marriages?
Non monogamy is, by definition, not being romantically exclusive to one partner. It may also be referred to as an open relationship. Non monogamy includes all sorts of arrangements such allowing kissing, flirting or non-sexual dating, to one night stands, to full-blown outside relationships, to polyandry (a relationship between more than two partners). Non-monogamy groups claim it makes everyone happier, reflects more realistic expectations about marriage, and can prevent divorce. Pro-monogamy groups claim relaxed standards of fidelity are exactly what causing divorce, and only lead to broken hearts. Both sides have statistics and studies to back their case. Continue reading ‘The question of non monogamy’
Watching the 2nd presidential debate, I thought both candidates made some great points and showed they are both good public speakers and smart men. At the same time, there were some major points of communication breakdown going on during the debate, from rude interruptions other to outright insults. While this type of attacking makes more sense considering the debaters are opponents, their pitfalls are a good example of what not to do when when you communicate with your spouse. Continue reading ’4 areas of communication breakdown in the presidential debate’
A miniscule piece of parchment is causing a big stir among historians by raising the question “was Jesus married?” At a conference this Tuesday, Harvard professor Karen L. King presented a Coptic text dating around 300 A.D. that references Jesus’ wife. According to her translation, line 4 of the parchment says, “Jesus said to them, ‘My wife…’. ” It continues to line 5 with “…she will be able to be my disciple.” Line 7 says, “As for me, I dwell with her in order to…”
Dr. King emphasizes that this in no way answers the question “was Jesus married?” Continue reading ‘Was Jesus married and does it matter?’
It’s natural to feel nervous before your wedding day. After all, it’s one of the biggest events of your life. At the same time, it pays to listen to your gut.
While we traditionally joke about and brush off nervousness before marriage, a new study by UCLA psychologists have found a link between wedding jitters and rates of divorce. Out of the 232 new couples enrolled in the study, 64% of individuals reported feelings of hesitation or doubt before tying the knot. Over all more men than women tended to have premarital doubts. At the same time, women’s worries were a better predictor of divorce. Continue reading ‘Pay attention to wedding jitters for a better marriage’
This week I found some amazing articles on making decisions and how choice impacts our lives and mental state. Julie Jeske talks about changing your mind about big decisions, James McNulty challenges our notions of turning the other cheek, and a California study questions whether our choice in marriage partners really leaves us any happier than an arranged marriage. Be prepared to have your mind changed!
You Can Always Change Your Mind–Part I via Julie Jeske
http://www.juliejeske.com/2012/08/you-can-always-change-your-mind/
You and your partner will face making decisions in your lives, and the stress of the big choices can put considerable strain on your marriage. Julie Jeske offers some fantastic advice: You can always change your mind. In fact, “by feeling like you always have to “get it right” you can sometimes be so paralyzed by fear of “messing up” that you don’t take any action.” It’s not always easy, convenient, or cost free, but you can always change your mind. Next week Julie will go over how to fix a relationship if you feel like changing your mind about your marriage, and I’ll be definitely reading along. Continue reading ‘The best articles of the week: on making decisions’
Marriage is the union of two lives into one–at the same time, maintaining independence and autonomy is an important part of a healthy relationship. How does money and marriage factor in? Wall Street Journal blogger Rachel Louis Ensign tackled this controversial topic last week. Her article features interviews with couples, lawyers and financial advisers who have found that sometimes not sharing everything can be the best situation for the marriage.
I was surprised to read in a follow up post that some commenters had been extremely critical of this idea, even accusing spouses who split up their assets as “definitely NOT a couple” and asking “Why even get married in the first place? Marriage is about trust and compromise, two people as one.” Continue reading ‘Money and marriage: Should you keep separate checking accounts?’
Tokii, a Canadian self-help gaming company, has just released two of their most popular relationship games for iOS and Android. Since providing relationship help with fun online activities is close to Po2′s heart, I decided to check our what they have to offer!
At Tokii.com you are invited to “Touch base with Tokii: Get together. Get talking. Get intimate.” After signing up for a free account you can invite your significant other to join you in a “relationship.” From there you have tons of options to play relationship games, take quizes, read articles, and chat with other members in forums. The site keeps track of the activities you do with your spouse and offers insights about your relationship.
The phone apps are essentially pared down versions of two activities available on their website. The Mood Meter allows users to log their mood during the day, send it to their spouse, and even post it to Facebook or Twitter. The app keeps track of your mood entries and over time generates a “mood history” you can share and discuss with your partner.
The other featured app is “Sharing Games”. These are short quizes that allow you to share opinions and facts about yourself on different topics. As a disclaimer, I didn’t create an account and sign in to play the games. But they look quite interesting. Topics range from basic (“My social interests”) to political (“The Economy and Obama”) to the sociological (“Fairytales” which prompts you to “see how fairy tales have shaped the way you view relationships and male/female roles as an adult.”). Some of these relationship games are sure to promote deep thinking and communication in a relationship. Even the more basic questions may reveal things things you didn’t know your spouse.
Relationship games can help you break up routines.
Tokii intends these games help jolt couples out of their habits of interaction, which I think is a great idea. Interjecting new ways of thinking and talking–specifically about new subjects–is essential to keeping marriages healthy. As I wrote in a previous post on how to put the spark back in your relationship, the longer you are with your spouse the more you tend to assume things about him rather than processing what he does or actually asking what he thinks. This is unfortunate because not only does it lead to misunderstandings and arguments, it glosses over the ways in which your partner may have grown and changed over the years.
Tokii’s relationship games app seems like a great resource, especially for younger couples who are used to communicating via text and sharing status updates. I imagine it could also be useful for keeping in touch with children, siblings and friends. If any of you try Tokii, let me know what you think!
