This week I found some amazing articles on making decisions and how choice impacts our lives and mental state. Julie Jeske talks about changing your mind about big decisions, James McNulty challenges our notions of turning the other cheek, and a California study questions whether our choice in marriage partners really leaves us any happier than an arranged marriage. Be prepared to have your mind changed!
You Can Always Change Your Mind–Part I via Julie Jeske
You and your partner will face making decisions in your lives, and the stress of the big choices can put considerable strain on your marriage. Julie Jeske offers some fantastic advice: You can always change your mind. In fact, “by feeling like you always have to “get it right” you can sometimes be so paralyzed by fear of “messing up” that you don’t take any action.” It’s not always easy, convenient, or cost free, but you can always change your mind. Next week Julie will go over how to fix a relationship if you feel like changing your mind about your marriage, and I’ll be definitely reading along.
Study Finds Arranged Marriages No Different from Traditional, via India West
Western society for past few centuries–for the most part–has held up individual’s choice in making decisions about marriage. We aren’t very familiar with the idea of arranged marriages, and often misunderstand them. Renowned relationship expert Pamela C. Regan has finally taken an in-depth psychological look at how those marriages differ. And she found after a study of 58 couples that “regardless of the nature of their marriage (i.e., whether the spouse had been selected by family members or matchmakers, or was personally and freely chosen), the participants in this study were extremely—and equally—happy with their relationships.” Read more and learn more in this fascinating article.
To Find Love Again, Try Changing Your Behavior, via Dr, Terri Orbuch
Here’s an unhappy fact: second marriages are even more likely to end in divorce than the first. After all, if you don’t learn the skills for healthy relationships from your first divorce, how are you going to prevent those same problems from ruining the second? At the same time, you can beat the odds by learning those skills. Dr. Orbuch offers additional advice on making decisions to change–how to change your routines and break from habits that we tend to cling tighter to in times of stress and change. Making these changes will ensure that your second marriage doesn’t turn out like your first.
Scientists reveal the secret to a happy marriage: Don’t forgive and forget, get angry instead
This title is misleading and I have some major beef with whoever wrote it. You should not get angry–that doesn’t help anything. What professor James McNulty means in the article is that simply “letting it go” when it comes to problems in your marriage leads to resentment and worse explosions down the road. Annoyance or anger signifies that something is wrong, and is valuable in that it allows you to recognize and FIX those fractures in your relationship. Learn to address problems instead of sweeping them under the rug. Forgiveness can be part of solving problems by learning how to apologize properly.