Sexless marriage? What are you to do?

Sex in a marriage can be a touchy subject, especially when you aren’t having much—or any at all.  According to a 2002 Newsweek article, 15 to 20% of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which is considered a sexless marriage. There are many things that could lead a couple to this situation. Daily stressors like kids, jobs and finances can make it difficult to connect, while decreased libido for hormonal reasons, depression, and a whole host of other day-to-day challenges can make sex the last thing on your list of priorities. So what do you do if intimacy is waning in your marriage? 

Here are a few simple steps you can take to invite more intimacy into your relationship:

Dress to impress. Put a little effort into your physical appearance at home. Do you put on your comfy, worn in Pjs as soon as you settle in for the night?  Think about what your partner finds physically attractive and put a little effort towards looking and feeling attractive.

Schedule It! When time slips away and you find yourselves letting intimacy fall off the radar, put it on the calendar.  Spontaneity has its place, and so does a well-planned roll in the hay.

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Increase Positivity. Keep negative comments (especially ones about physical appearance) out of the conversation. Express gratitude; the more positivity you create the greater the warmth and tenderness in your relationship.

Disconnect to Connect. Turn off the television, computer, Kindle, and iPad. Media in the evenings can be a real intimacy killer.  Instead, find an activity you can share; talk, listen to music, or go for a walk. Spending quality time together can help you reconnect.

Go to Bed Early (and together).  Rather than watching television until you are both tired wrecks, go to bed when you still have some energy left for you spouse.

Sleep Naked. Climbing into bed in your birthday suit shows you’re interested.  It also increases feelings of sexual desire.  In addition, skin-to-skin contact causes a release of Oxytocin, the love hormone!

People often differ in their preferences, both for the frequency with which they desire sexual activity and what it takes for them to feel aroused.  Avoid the sexless marriage trap by understanding what makes your partner tick.  Learning some communication basics, as well as some good tools for talking about sex, will go a long way towards keeping things running smoothly in the bedroom. 

The bottom line is a little bit of effort will go along way towards getting that spark back and welcoming more intimacy into your marriage!

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