We are going to be running a short series here on the Power of Two blog over the next few weeks. Let’s call it a mini-course on how to communicate with your spouse. Essentially it boils down to this, communication in marriage is essential and so many folks struggle with how to do it! When you stop communicating with a spouse or partner it’s a signal that something may be wrong, but what? Why did you stop talking? Or maybe you talk to each other all day, and at the same time never really share anything deeper than the surface anymore. Remember when you were first dating, falling in love or getting married, did it ever feel like there wasn’t enough time in the day to talk to each other about life, dreams, ideas, art, music, books? Getting back to that level of conversation may take time, just like anything else though you just have to start somewhere. Here an idea of where to start…
Ask good questions.
Sounds simple right? Learning to talk to each other again is a process and takes some time and practice. Taking the time to learn new skills is invaluable for any relationship. One of the core skills groups we teach Power of Two is talking and listening. Talking about thoughts, feelings, ideas, wishes without falling into the crossover trap and listening to learn. While these skills require effort and time to learn, there are simple steps you can take to start to turn things around today.
We are kicking off this series in honor of Valentine’s day. The theme of this post is how to communicate with your spouse, on a date. If you are one of the lucky ones who managed to secure a babysitter and get reservations at a romantic restaurant you may want to spend a little time thinking about how to intentionally reconnect to partner while you have the time carved out. Even if you plan to stay home and do something more low key, you can invite a deeper experience with a little thought ahead of time.
How many of us will sit down to dinner with our loved one and feel like we have nothing to talk about? Life is so busy with work, schedules, kids and stress that sometimes when we do take the time to slow down and share a special meal we’re hard pressed to have an easy conversation that doesn’t revolve around regular life stuff.
One very important part of how to communicate with your spouse is to ask good questions. Good questions are thought provoking and can offer the listener (you) a chance to really learn something about your spouse. Good questions start with How and What.
Here are 10 great questions and conversation starters to keep in your pocket in case you need some inspiration during your romantic evening…
What do you think the greatest accomplishment of your life so far is?
What do you consider to be your greatest strength?
Is there a person in your life who you’ve lost touch with and wished you hadn’t?
How do you feel the values you grew up with have played into your life as an adult?
If you could change any one thing about your childhood what would it be?
How often do think about your past/future?
Who do you admire and why?
What do you fear the most?
How do you like to travel, by car, plane or boat?
How have you changed in the last 1, 5 or 10 years?
Happy Valentine’s Day to all those who like to celebrate the holiday! Here’s to a wonderful conversation shared with the one you love! Stay tuned next week for the second in our mini-series…
How to communicate with your spouse: During an argument.