The 25 best funny marriage quotes

Funny marriage quotes are great for all sorts of occasions, from making toasts to giving advice, to simply making us laugh. They also open our eyes to the essentials of things like communication in marriage and balancing individual desires with your spouse’s needs. Talking about marriage and love is as old as…well, talking! So there’s lots of good material out there.funny marriage quotes

If you follow @po2marriage on twitter you probably know I love to tweet funny marriage quotes. They tend to get to the heart of marriage problems and blessings in only 140 characters. One thing I’ve noticed while researching quotes for sharing is that there are a lot of really bad funny marriage quotes. I mean quotes that get their humor from playing on stereotypes and bad assumptions about married life, in-laws, wives, children and husbands. When we retell these jokes and quotes, we subtly reenforce the logic behind them–logic that is actually destructive to marriage. Take this quote, for example:

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

There are a lot of quotes and jokes like this out there. They are funny, but negative. They all have the same message: that marriage is the end of any happiness you have, that it is endless and inevitable suffering and that smart people don’t get married. In this way, a disturbing worldview is embedded in these jokes. Mindset is a large predictor of what will indeed happen in your life (Dr. Heitler wrote a great article about it). Sometimes I wonder if our high divorce rate is partly due to these negative  expectations–they becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you are choosing some funny marriage quotes to say during a wedding toast, stay away from these kinds of jokes. Not because the bride and groom will take them seriously and be offended, or because they aren’t funny (the “suffer-ring” line is clever!); but because the best wedding gift you can give the couple is a message of a positive and loving future.

Here are my top 25 funny marriage quotes and wedding sayings (not ranked):

  1. “A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason – and indeed all the sweets of life.” ~ Joseph Addison
  2. “A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.” ~ anonymous
  3. “You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter
  4. “Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.” ~ Anonymous
  5. “We don’t love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.” ~ Jacques Maritain
  6. “Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” – Samuel Johnson
  7. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
  8. “The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.”  ~Peter De Vries
  9. “To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.”  ~Marnie Reed Crowell
  10. “A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.” ~ Ingrid Bergmen
  11. “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.”  ~Simone Signoret
  12. “A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” ~ Anne Taylor Fleming
  13. “Woke up in bed with a gorgeous woman, who I’m going to have lunch and the rest of my life with.” ~ Jason Barmer
  14. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” ~ Albert Einstein
  15. “One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” ~ Judith Viorst
  16. “In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire
  17. “In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy.  The truth is precisely the opposite:  it begins all.” ~ Anne Sophie Swetchine
  18. “A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.  The order varies for any given year.” ~ Paul Sweeney
  19. “Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage.” ~ Finnish Proverb
  20. “A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.” ~ James H. Boren
  21. “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths.  No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” ~ Mark Twain
  22. “Our wedding was many years ago.  The celebration continues to this day.” ~ Gene Perret
  23. “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” ~ Andre Maurois
  24. “There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” ~ Martin Luther
  25. “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” ~ Robert Fulghum, True Love

How is your marriage doing? Take this quiz to find out where you stand strong and what needs work. You may be surprised! Take the quiz now.

The funny side of problems in marriage

Author Jenna McCarthy takes a humorous look at the unrealistic expectations of marriage in this funny and smart TED talk. It’s important to step back once and a while and look at the funny side of the problems in marriage. What are we really promising in those well worn oaths?

The big day comes, and they’ll stand before God and family, and some guy her dad once did business with, and they’ll vow that nothing, not abject poverty, not life-threatening illness, not complete and utter misery, will ever put the tiniest damper on their eternal love and devotion.

Hearing it like that, you realize that this is some pretty far-fetched promise, especially in thelight of America’s nearly %50 divorce rate. The truth is, every single married couple faces problems in marriage. Life goes by with its successes and challenges and this puts stresses on us and affects all our relationships. In addition, through the years you spend together–the rest of your lives–you will change and grow as a person. You will find new interests and hobbies, your way of looking at life may change.

How can your relationship last through this and the problems in marriage it brings? Perhaps by making a new kind of promise. To be partners in life, helping each other to navigate its twists and turns, respecting and trusting each other while you grow. Recognize that love will be of changing qualities–at times fierce and warming, and at others a cool undercurrent. I believe that with open dialogue about the real difficulties, and less stressing expectations, is part of the path to longer, stronger marriages.

Have fun with this video. Jenna is a great speaker, and she ends with a positive note in spite of all her funny marriage problems griping!


Learn how to make a marriage work before you get married

If you love someone enough to consider marrying them, the best gift you can give them is learning how to make a marriage work before you exchange vows. Chances are you’ve already been together long enough to know each other’s flaws and to recognize your own areas for improvement. Perhaps you’ve been together through thick and thin, broken up, reconciled differences, and moved forwards together. Knowing how you work through issues together and having the commitment to getting marriage counseling to better your skills will set your marriage off on the right track.

I fell in love with this “Save the Date” video (below) because not only is it artistically done but tells a beautiful story. This was a great portrait of a relationship that has the skills for how to make a marriage work. Before getting hitched this couple had already learned to work together to overcome differences, showed commitment and compassion for the other’s concerns and desires, and were willing to be flexible an open-minded for each other. These are key elements of how to make a relationship last.

 The two lovers start out seeming very different: the woman is a fashionista who loves shopping and elegance; the man is a football fan who is never without his junk food. They meet and realize they have much more in common than first appears. At the same time, their relationship runs into problems because of their superficial differences–they can’t appreciate each other’s lifestyles. In the end, time passes, they learn and grow, adventures are had and…well, you’ll see!

Watch the video and let me know what you think. How do you know when/if you are ready to get married? What kind of issues did you deal with during your engagement? What do you think is the most important pre-marital step in how to make a marriage work?

Lessons from the Kim Kardashian marriage

What a katastrophe.

The Kim Kardashian marriage to Kris Humphries lasted a mere 72 days. She claims she “married for love” and divorced out of “intuition.” Others claim that the entire thing was a publicity stunt and money making scheme. Well, Kim and Kris definitely made bank out of the whole event. Kim got a 20.5 carat engagement ring and $172,000 worth of gifts from her bridal registry. Plus, selling the exclusive rights to cover the wedding to People Magazine made a cool $1.5 million. In fact, overall the couple made $18 million from various media and brand partnerships (Jezebel).

The situation is pretty off putting and many people are outraged. I’m disgusted, and at the same time, trying to see things from multiple angles. If the Kim Kardashian marriage was just a cold-hearted publicity stunt and had nothing to do with love, I have a feeling that she would have held out much longer. A dedicated person who is willing to marry for business could certainly steel herself to stay married for  business. After all, there’s plenty of room in a celebrity marriage for moneymaking gossip about happiness, unhappiness, infidelity, and pregnancy. The lightening fast divorce was a risky move that all involved must have realized would provide considerable backlash.Yeah, it looks bad. So maybe there is some real emotional ground to Kim Kardashian’s divorce. For instance, what if Kris Humphries was starting to show signs of being emotionally or physically abusive? That would certainly be a reason 

for divorce, and explain the haste and lack of public explanation behind the separation. Anyone in an abusive relation should leave it–FAST.

On the other hand, the Kardashian brand is known for being outrageous. And what’s more outrageous than a multimillion-dollar wedding followed by a divorce? So I’m undecided. And in the end, I can’t blame Kim–it’s her personal life and her personal decisions. I don’t know her.

At least there may be one good sign from this whole debacle. I think this whole mess proves that marriage is still relevant. The media public–who have stood behing their fair share of reality shows that delve deep into people’s personal lives–have shown that they still consider some things sacred. Marriage should be taken seriously, not as a trivial display that can be easily undone. People should work towards their marriages with couples counseling once they’ve made a commitment. Marriage is important. And I think this is a little encouraging!

Stopping arguing doesn’t necessarily stop divorce

A new study from Ohio State University is challenging long-help assumptions about marital happiness, arguing, and how to stop divorce. Married couples are often assumed to start out relatively blissful and then dissolve into bickering and fighting. However, it turns out that a couple’s level of fighting and happiness are both stable factors over the course of a relationship. Researches identified three types of marriages among 2,000 married couples over two decades: low-conflict, (16% of participants); moderate-conflict, (60%); and high-conflict (22%). They found that these groups stayed more or less consistent over the 20 year study.

Interestingly, the study found that the frequency of argument did not necessarily predict how happy or unhappy a couples was. Rather, levels of positivity, intimacy, and resolution skills were more important. In other words, a marriage that had disagreements did not mean misery, and a marriage devoid of conflict did not necessarily stop divorce.

Certain couples were designated as “volatile,” meaning they had high conflict but also mid to high happiness ratings. These couples may have disagreements often, but I’m guessing they are strong on other skill areas such as resolution and intimacy. After all, it is inevitable that you and your spouse will be at odds about things; the key is knowing how to deal with that without causing hurt feelings.

The most divorce prone group was described as “hostile”. Interestingly, it didn’t matter whether or not these couples argued much–they were miserable. Hostility is a pattern of negativity that can take many forms. Dr. Heitler and I have talked before about how toxic even small bits of negativity can be. Habits that are all not outright forms of conflict–such as sarcasm, put-downs, avoidance, the silent treatment, and passive-aggressive acts–can be just as tragically damaging to a marriage. According to the study, these are the danger signs to watch out for the most in your relationship.

This study brings up some very good advice for thinking about marriage. Marriage is a huge decision–it is a commitment for life. Chances are you are marrying your loved one because you intend that relationship to last and stop divorce. Take a good long look at how you interact as a couple now. Although you both will continue to change and grow as people, this right now is the basis for how you will interact for life. It is especially important to look for warning signs of abuse and control in your relationship. Does your fiance do things that make you seriously uncomfortable? These behaviors will NOT disappear after you wed. This is the time to seriously evaluate if you want to be legally, emotionally and spiritually bound together.

At the same time, I firmly believe any relationship is open to change with the right tools and dedication. I would be interested to see the statistics for relationship counseling among these subjects. Did any of them try couples counseling or marriage enrichment to improve their marriage? While this study shows even “hi-conflict” marriages can be happy, I would argue that if couples made the switch to low conflict, they could be even happier. Conflict takes up time and energy that could instead be put towards building a loving and supportive marriage. Real transformation can be accomplished with skill based learning and practice. We all have the ability to change our habits if we truly dedicate ourselves to the task. So don’t just settle for the marriage you have if you feel it could be better. Go out and chase your happily-ever-after!

An unforgettable event on a small wedding budget

Last weekend I was honored to attend the wedding of a good friend. It was a sweet and beautiful event, and had a lot of great inspiration for how to make a relationship last while involving your guests and having a great time on a low wedding budget.

The couple, “K” and “N” had already been living together since getting engaged two years ago. As a result, they had no need for the pots and pans, matching plate sets, Cuisinarts and other traditional home-making gifts. Since more and more couples are living together before marriage, this is a pretty common situation. They came up with a great alternative. The couple decided that instead of accepting presents or a gift registry, they would ask for participation from their guests to help make the wedding extra special.

First, they held the wedding at a 4H campground N had gone to many times as a child. It was a beautiful secluded camp with a creek running through tall redwoods. Guests had the opportunity to come early and stay the whole weekend camping, or to rent rooms in the hotel of a nearby town. The days leading up the the wedding were full of fun activities. All were invited to help decorate the grounds, make bouquets and create fun centerpieces. This was especially good for the little kids running around. The night before the big day there was a big latin-themed potluck and masquerade.

So many things made this weekend special. I appreciated being invited to participate in the wedding. It reminded me that this is not only the union of two people, it is the joining of two families sets of friends into one big new community. By the time the ceremony came, I felt I had bonded with the other guests. And, by having friends and family help out, K and N were able to keep the wedding simple, intimate, and low-cost.

Of course, camping weddings in the forest aren’t for everyone! At the same time, involving your guests in some way can make the event extra meaningful. There are creative ways for everyone can participate, no matter what the budget or style of the wedding! Here’s a great video, done on a big budget, that inspired me to write this post. It’s very different from my camping experience, but just the kind of thing I’m talking about. You can check out how they put together this amazing video at


The art of the funny wedding theme

These couples let their individuality and special bond shine through by choosing a funny wedding theme. It’s not for everyone…but for those who rock it, rock it hard! Kudos to the amount of preparation and creativity (and good humor of their guests) seen in these pictures. If you’re thinking of your own funny wedding theme, just go with your instincts. It doesn’t matter if it’s been done before–it’s all about what makes YOU two feel special and sets you off right on your life journey. Enjoy these crazy, creative photos.


This couple has been dying to get hitched for ages:

A shotgun wedding in a galaxy far, far away.


In later millenia the traditional “clubbing of the bride and groom” was replaced with throwing rice.

They have two marriage licenses–it’s tough having a double identity!

He thinks she’s a real catch.

All the guests received 3D glasses for the ceremony.

“I fell down into a wedding ring of fire…”

No ghosts invited.

Well prepared for their happily ever after…



Why a silly wedding is a recipe for a happy marriage

It seems like a silly display of surprise wedding dancing is as de rigeur as the cake these days. And I think that’s fabulous! Of course, there is certainly nothing bad about a strictly traditional and solemn event. At the same time, there are a few things I love about these spontaneous dance shows that falls in line with some great marriage counseling advice. Here are my reasons for why these weddings contain the recipe for a happy marriage.

1) If the dance is planned by just the bride and groom. Ya gotta hand it to these couples, they have a great sense of humor and can work together well (and keep a secret). Planning a surprise dance during the wedding is a great way to work on a project together that doesn’t involve anyone else…no florists, no best men and bridesmaids, no event staff. It gives you an excuse to spend some lighthearted solo time with your betrothed during the stress of wedding planning. It can be a sweet, silly and very special bonding opportunity for a couple, and sets a great tone for your marriage! Holding on to that sense of being adventurous, silly “partners in crime” even during stressful events is how to make a relationship last.

2) If the surprise involves lots of people. In the video I chose below, the groom and his best men have plotted and schemed to break out into a show for the guests and bride. First, check out the huge amount of effort that went into learning the choreography. They’re pretty good! Not only does this dance show how much the groom wants to surprise, delight, and show his love for his bride, it also shows the dedication and support of the groom’s friends. Having a solid network of friends who support your partnership is a key ingredient in the recipe for a happy marriage. These guys are there to back up their friend and his marriage even if it means publicly embarrassing themselves. It is just as important to maintain your separate friendships and to spend time strengthening them as it is to spend quality time together as a couple. Again, this sweet involvement in the wedding is a great sign that the groom’s friends will be there to support him throughout the marriage.

wedding thriller

Making marriage work by doing the dishes

For most of human history, people have lived in societies where what you do and how you do it was largely determined by your birth. One of the most enduring roles has been gender. No matter what your status (peasant or royalty) In almost every culture, women have been the managers of the interior world, while men work outside the home to provide it with resources. Making marriage work was less about happiness and more about the ability to fend of starvation, keep a roof over your head, and have lots and lots of babies. Luckily, times have changed, the business of staying alive is easier, and both men and women have many options for what to do with their lives and how to order their home life.

Women who take advantage of this and pursue careers in addition to having a family often find themselves between a rock and hard place. Managing a household alone is tough! After all, there are professionals—nannies, accountants, designers, plumbers, and personal assistants—who keep full time jobs doing just one fraction of what it takes to run a home. Plus, this whole women working thing has been uncharted territory. There are no guidelines on how to divvy up housework between spouses. This has lead to frustration, exhaustion and all sorts of marriage problems.

The good news is it seems like we’re entering a new phase where, slowly, couples are making marriage work by redefining household roles. Dan Seaborn of the Dover Post has written about a new study by the U.S. Bureau of Labor. According to this 2010 survey, husbands and wives are spending about the same amount of time doing chores, especially in marriages where both work full time. That’s pretty darn impressive!

“In another study by the Pew Research Center in 2007, 62 percent of couples surveyed said sharing household chores was the third most important ingredient in a successful marriage after faithfulness and sex ––  I’m glad sex rates higher than chores!”

I agree.

Seaborn also has a lot of great advice on making marriage work with smart chore sharing. First off, setting good patterns of behavior is always easier than changing old ones. “Couples really need to make a plan for how this gets done, instead of making assumptions. It should be one of the first things a newly married couple discusses before patterns are established.”

Second, he suggests setting mutual definitions of what a chore means. Is clearing the table just putting the dishes on the counter, or is it putting them in the dishwasher and wiping down the table? Does doing the laundry involve folding and putting the clothes away? How much time should be spent on which activity? Communicate clearly about your expectations, and don’t hesitate to speak up about your frustrations in a tactful manner.

Part of the joys of marriage is knowing that you have someone there for you, a partner to go through life with and to give you the help and support you need. I have a hunch that taking care of the house together will be good for marriage. When you work together on a project, you feel closer and more intimate. It may seem like a mess at times, but make sure you take moments to step back and appreciate all you have created together.

Weight, women, men and relationships

Dr. Susan Heitler recently appeared on ABC News with Diane Sawyer to discuss a new study from Ohio State University.  The study found that changes in your relationship—specifically, marriage and divorce—can cause unhealthy changes in your weight. Previous studies on women, men and relationships have shown that marriage causes weight gain, and divorce causes weight loss. This new research reveals details about the effects and shows that divorce actually leads to weight gain.

Women tend to gain weight after marriage, while the combination of men and relationships is more complicated. Men gain less weight than women, and sometimes become healthier. This may be because women start taking on the responsibilities of running the household, including raising children, and find less time to take care of their health. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to participate in healthful behaviors such as doctors’ check-ups and better eating once they are no longer bachelors.

Divorce also leads to increased Body Bass Index (BMI). For men and relationships, divorce means the undoing of the health benefits of marriage and they may fall into old bad habits of singledom.

marriage and divorce can lead to weight gain
marriage and divorce can lead to weight gain

Dr. Heitler noted for the article that both events are times of immense life change and extreme emotions. Emotional exhaustion and stress may make it difficult to muster up the energy to be physically active. In addition, emotional eating may kick in. Depression, for example, is common after divorce. “There’s an impulse to self-soothe with food combined with a drop in self-control that comes with depression or grieving,” Heitler said. “People will think, ‘Not only do I feel like eating a candy bar, but I just don’t have the will power to say no.'”

Eating out of joy is also emotional eating. Newlywed couples may find themselves celebrating, sharing more meals together, and reflecting the happiness of their union in food. Men and relationships may also influence women to eat more like their husbands in terms of quantity and kind.

The solution? Pay attention to your body. Don’t let your focus on your health slip during emotional times of transition, says dietitian Keri Glassman. “Be aware and be mindful of all the different lifestyle factors going on for you at the time.”