Is cheating the solution to marriage problems? Not so fast!

 

Are you a Tom Sawyer Husband? How about a Workhorse Wife considering an Oreo Marriage? These are just a few of the types of couples outlined in Pamela Haag’s new book, Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting The Rules. Many of Haag’s categories are different ways of describing “so-so marriage,” where security, familiarity, and shared responsibilities are what keep couples together rather than love. “It’s these low-conflict, amiable, but sort of listless marriages that actually contribute the lion’s share to the divorce rate. It’s not the couples who are throwing dishes and screaming,” she said in the DailyMail.
Haag also wrote a guest article for CNN.com. In it she focuses on the “non-traditional” solutions couples may try to make their marriage work. These include: separate bedrooms; a “marriage sabbatical”; non-monogamy; and/or tolerating infidelity.

Well now! These two articles sure got us all stirred up.

“Pamela Haag has it oh-so-right. . . and oh-so-wrong.” Dr. Abigail Hirsch says.

“We love her descriptions of the ways marriages slip into semi-happiness.  Her categories are very true. And, her solution — to open things up to letting outsiders into your intimate life and maybe even the bedroom — is a lousy solution to spicing up marriage.

Can I be harsh?  Here it is.

 

How would you feel about a bike repair shop that told you, “oh, front tire flat?  We’ll just take it off and give it to someone else.  Your bike will work fine with one tire!”  Bad advice.

 

Same with marriage problems — if your marriage has some broken parts, like lackluster passion, missing romance, zero loving connection — the solution is (almost always) not to remove the possibility for deep, rewarding intimate connection — the solution is to FIX THE BROKEN PIECE.  If your love life is lacking, learn the skills to turn the spark back on.  If warmth and connection are a thing from the distant past, invest in learning how to make them a part of the future from today forwards.

 

Be proactive about bringing sex, passion, love, intimacy, and friendship into your day-to-day with your spouse if you want your marriage to sizzle. If you’d rather your marriage fizzle, then take your metaphorical tire elsewhere.”

In conclusion, never settle for solutions that make you feel less than satisfied. A joyous, loving, definitely not “so-so” marriage is a real possibility for everyone. You deserve to, and can, be happy!

 

 

The Science of Commitment? What’s behind those who cheat and those who resist the temptation? Tara Parker-Pope takes a stab at explaining exactly that in her book, “For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage.”

The Science of a Happy Marriage? I was skeptical too…

Yesterday in the Times Tara Parker-Pope shared her insight on the factors which may affect a person’s tendency to stay committed. Scientists are studying the biological, psychological, and everything in between. Interestingly enough, their findings suggest that while some people may be more naturally inclined to resisting temptation, people can also train themselves to protect their relationships, and strengthen their commitment.

Continue reading The Science of Commitment? What’s behind those who cheat and those who resist the temptation? Tara Parker-Pope takes a stab at explaining exactly that in her book, “For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage.”

Power of Two loves finding recommendations for our great workbook. Thanks Hiking_Photographer!

While reading some reviews for the book “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Workbook for Women” I came across a recommendation for our workbook… cool!  We haven’t read the book yet, but were excited to find couples out there who are reading Power of Two.

“My fiance and I bought the book, and the two work books and were very much disappointed. It’s focused on Christianity specifically, treats men and women as if they were two great masses of clones, etc. Multiple choice has a lot of room for interpretation – dangerous for a defensive person to be doing. I recommend the power of two workbook instead.
Rating: 1 / 5

Hiking_Photographer
May 18th, 2010

And now a shameless plug… Check out Power of Two’s workbook!

Posted By: Katie

“Power of Two: Skills for a Strong and Loving Marriage” gets 5 out of 5 STARS!

Not to brag… Well, Okay, to brag just a little… Dr. Heitler’s book, The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong & Loving Marriage received 5 stars from Denver’s Marriage Communication Examiner, Tammy Wagner.  Tammy recommends the book to dating couples, engaged couples, newlyweds, and marriage pros alike.

Read the review… then, read the book!