Communication in marriage is key for sex after kids.

Communication in marriage is a really important part of keeping your sex life active and fulfilling.  In a recent survey put together by YourTango and Trojan 1,055 parents were asked about their sex life post kids. Respondents answered 35 questions about their sex life. The info graphic below sums up the results quite well. While some of the results were to be expected, parents are tired and have much less time than they did prior to having children. What was surprising is that 40% of respondents said their communication was better post kids. So many couples struggle with what ends up as a sexless marriage. Avoiding this outcome requires learning what role communication in marriage play in your post kids sex life?  Continue reading Communication in marriage is key for sex after kids.

Does having siblings help your marriage?

The more siblings you grew up with, the longer your marriage will last, reports a new study from Ohio State University. For the study, the researchers crunched data on 57,061 adults  collected between 1972 and 2012.

“We found that if you had a sibling, for each additional sibling your divorce rate decreased by two percent,” said Douglas Downey, co-author of the study, in an interview for CBSNews.com. Only-children were less likely to marry in general than their peers with siblings, as well as being more at risk for divorce. The benefits of having more siblings seem to level off at seven. The evidence does seem to suggest that having siblings can actually help your marriage! Continue reading Does having siblings help your marriage?

Dr. Heitler Featured in LHJ’s Can This Marriage Be Saved

She’s at it again.  Yes, saving marriages — while that happens everyday around here, it’s always fun when the story is told in a broader way.

Dr. Heitler and a gracious couple have shared the story of how this couple, with some first rate help and skills, rescued their marriage.  The couple came to Dr. Heitler because their sexless marriage needed help.  The wife’s chronic pain condition further complicated the matter.  When she discovered him using a porn website she realized it was time for a serious lesson in how to communicate with your spouse if they wanted to save the marriage.

Read the whole happy story here.

Psych Central just posted an article about communication pitfalls featuring Power of Two founder Dr. Susan Heitler.

Here’s the top 5 pitfalls list.

  1. Not knowing the rules
  2. Aiming for compromise
  3. Playing pin the tail on the donkey
  4. Letting escalating emotions take over
  5. Thinking that marriage is like walking

Got you curious? Here’s the article. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/5-communication-pitfalls-and-pointers-for-couples/

Want the good news?  You can learn how to communicate like a pro with a Power of Two Online membership.

Our stressed out kids

This morning I took my kids to Starbucks for breakfast because our kitchen sink is totally clogged, sigh.

My third grader noticed the NYT front page with this headline:

Record Level of Stress Found in College Freshmen.

“Why are they all so stressed out?” he wanted to know.

The article does a great job of explaining why.

What is missing is the piece of what you can do to foster resilience in your children.  It may be little surprise that my first answers is . .  .build a happy, healthy marriage.  In other words, model great relationships with a passion for life to your kids.

After that, here are a few other tips.

  • Demand that your children pursue passions instead of trying to impress college admissions officers. Seriously, even in high school, it’s more helpful to talk with your child about finding things that they love to do and doing them than about building a well-rounded application.  This way, when your child gets into an appropriate-for-them school, they’ll have things they love doing to help them stay solidly on their feet.
  • Model a healthy lifestyle and help your child build one too. Find fun ways to make exercise part of your routine.  Replace screen-time with face-to-face time.  Cook healthy food together.  Building routines like these will cultivate a life-rhythm that is resilient in the face of stress.
  • Share stressful news and finances on an as-needed and as-appropriate basis. Your twelve year old probably does not need to know that it was a struggle to pay the mortgage this month.  Sharing these details is likely to cultivate a general tendency to feel stress and anxiety, when it’s more appropriate to be helping her learn to take tests at school without panicking.  At the same time, a child heading to college does need to have you talk through a rock-solid financial plan for how they will handle their portion of any loans.   Likewise, direct information about how you will be helping and not-helping to finance their education is critical.
  • Eat dinners together. Having regular, real family time is one of the best ways to make sure your kids feel supported.  Then hopefully, they’ll call you when college is just feeling like too much, instead of swimming alone in a pool of stress.

Dr. Heitler featured in Parent Guide News

A great article from Parent Guide News features Dr. Heitler writing about the age-old issue of mine versus ours.

She covers sharing time, activities, space, and other common shar-isms. And, more importantly, she highlights the slipery-slope which might show face if couples aren’t careful about how they spend their alone time.

It’s hard to know how much time is the right amount of time to be spending together or apart. This is a great read to help show you the ropes!

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