Want to have more sex during stressful times? Here are 5 things to try.

A lot of good habits can suffer during stressful times.  Some people overeat, workout routines fall off the map, sleep is often affected. Sex is another piece of the relationship puzzle that gets put on the back burner when stress hits the fan.  Here are a few tips for how to avoid the sexless marriage trap and keep that lovin’ feeling alive even when stress, including holiday stress takes a hold on your life and relationship…

1. Sleep Naked.  Forego the holiday themed, fuzzy footy Pj’s and go to bed in your birthday suit.  Couples who sleep naked have more sex.  Sleeping naked removes one small barrier to getting busy.  In addition, physical touch and close contact increase oxytocin, the love hormone. Climbing into the sheets naked will encourage you to get closer to warm up on cold winter nights. Who knows you might get lucky!

have more sex
Slip into the sheets in your birthday suit.

3. Keep your bedroom a sanctuary.  When it comes to your bedroom, don’t dismiss the power of setting the mood. Too often the clutter of stressful times builds up in your bedroom. Laundry piling up, work to do, stacks of bills, papers or books waiting to be read, shopping bags full of gifts to be wrapped all contribute to the mental clutter aka intimacy killer.  Take some time to de-clutter your bedroom, take the tv out (or at least cover it up or put in in a cabinet) Letting the world in via television and devices can squeeze out special moments to connect with your spouse. Take the stacks of paper out, go through them if you can, if you can’t just put them somewhere else!  The last and probably most difficult task in the bedroom is to GET RID OF THE SMARTPHONE!! A recent article cited the statistic that “70 percent of women in a recent survey said smartphones were interfering in their romantic relationship.”  Now certainly you don’t need to get rid of it all together, just leave it out of the bedroom!

have more sex
Don’t let clutter be a barrier to a roll in the hay.

Continue reading Want to have more sex during stressful times? Here are 5 things to try.

How to cultivate gratitude in your marriage this holiday season.

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude”

A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

The holiday season and particularly Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to take stock in your marriage.  These few weeks from Thanksgiving to New Years can get really crazy, it’s also a wonderful time to cultivate gratitude in your marriage and make sure your relationship is getting a piece of the pie! Gratitude is more than just being thankful for something you have.  It is a state of being that can bring more love, positivity and peace and health into your life. Gratitude is an intentional act, gratitude in your marriage as in all things opens the door to deeper and more fulfilling relationship and holiday season.

gratitude in your marriage

Gratitude is the antidote to desire.  How is it that as a culture we have created the story that Thursday is the day to slow down, celebrate all that we already have and experience gratitude. Then comes black Friday where we are encouraged to hurry up, get to the store and compete with each other to satisfy our never ending need for things. Cultivating true gratitude will alleviate the need for the latest, greatest, cheapest goods and will allow love, respect and joy to be elevated in your marriage and beyond.

Here are a few ways to keep the focus on gratitude and kindness this holiday season… Continue reading How to cultivate gratitude in your marriage this holiday season.

Dr. Heitler Featured in LHJ’s Can This Marriage Be Saved

She’s at it again.  Yes, saving marriages — while that happens everyday around here, it’s always fun when the story is told in a broader way.

Dr. Heitler and a gracious couple have shared the story of how this couple, with some first rate help and skills, rescued their marriage.  The couple came to Dr. Heitler because their sexless marriage needed help.  The wife’s chronic pain condition further complicated the matter.  When she discovered him using a porn website she realized it was time for a serious lesson in how to communicate with your spouse if they wanted to save the marriage.

Read the whole happy story here.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians (Isn’t Hard)

We thought we’d take a look reality tv favorites and share thoughts about relationships.

First up!  Scott and Kourtney have a key party on Keeping Up With the Kardashians:

These are two beautiful humans but boy do they behave like babies.  Scott is the number one baby in the family (and I’m counting Mason).   Kourtney should assign household chores to her assistants and producers and leave Scott’s responsibilities at lookin’ pretty and chilling with his horrible friends.

Clearly Kourtney is upset that she’s married a manchild who can’t handle basic adult duties.  However she can’t throw keys at the problem.  You can solve a lot of problems by throwing keys at them, but in this case it only makes it worse.   She tries to “teach him a lesson,” never a fun move.    I always find that “demonstrating” something to my wife backfires, and all I really demonstrate is that we tend to waste time being annoyed at each other instead of saying whats really on our minds.   I think Kourtney could have got what she wanted much more easily if she just asked him nicely, and explained what she was worried about.  Scott is a totally reasonable guy ha haha ha ha oh my goodness I’m sorry that’s hard to say with a straight face.  Scott is a somewhat intelligent guy who would probably understand a basic concern for safety with their newborn son in the house.

LESSON: Don’t throw keys, its not the keys’ fault.    Don’t try to teach your partner a lesson, they aren’t a student in your 7th grade algebra class.   Use your mouth and brain to say what you think.  Also, don’t be on a reality show.   Check out this video from Dr. Hirsch about why its important to “Say it” when you have something on your mind.

–Daniel

Power of Two in Your Sleep???

Couldn’t resist sharing this lovely comment from a Power of Two Online member (with her permission of course!).

Her coach asked her, “when are you thinking about the skills you’re using?”

Her response:

Actually, I dreamt about it!   I caught myself saying something inappropriate and in my head (dream), I said to myself, this needs to be reframed.

Now that’s when you know you’ve learned a new skill!